Do forgive me for not being here writing as often as I should.  But life for me has been limited in time... where and what I can do.  Life is  not always fair, or if it is sometimes we must pay the price.  For the need for help from the higher powers above, yes they can answer you, help you when you need it most, but later I have found their is a price to pay for it.

 

In 1981 I needed all the help I could get, I had a battle with cancer, I almost died in the hospital from bleeding internally.  Yet, after months I had won.  I had time back on my side to help my children grow up for they needed me then.  Now they are both young men with they're own families. 

 

Now I struggle again, someone has come and asked me to pay them back for 1981 that is how I feel, and little did I know I would owe this..

 

My life has been limited lately to working (though I have been told to stop, yet I have to finish some unfinished business first), with the assistance of my hubby I get small trips to the market,  many trips to the doctors and the highlight of my week is holding my new grandson in my arms.  I do count my blessing for I still see the sunrise and sunset that in itself is a blessing.

 

This next year with be a hard one, for myself and my hubby.  We have made some adjustments but we know we must make more from how we are intimate to how we will get by.  Thank goodness for drugs right now from the doctors for without it I can barely move or sit.  They have told me with the surgery I will maybe have 89% of my pain gone. Though I risk being paralized fixed or not fix. And  if there are no othe complications.  Yet I have already ran into more complications ... just to get the ok to have the surgery done, they have found my heart now has a problem too.  More doctor visits, test of torture to come, like I need more.

 

Yet I still find solitude in memories ... I draw upon them daily when I do not think I can take any more.

 

I draw upon the fondest memories of the past , for as days past go by this is what life gives us... memories of the heart.  Of smiles, laugher, love, hugs, kisses, adventure so many lives have touched my own.  So many memories have touched my heart.

I call them memories of the heart, for that is by far what our lives are and why we are here isn't it?

Zenn